goodbye goodbye

thats how friendships get ruined faggot

Dear the city of lights

In two years kayla and i will be there making a splash in your culture. We we'll be visiting you becuase were doing a summer camp. In edition to all the history you have instored for us we'll be enjoying your night life. Now i admit i wasnt the biggest paris fan for god knows why but i am excited to visit being that you hold Jim Morrison's grave and being that i am such a big fan of him it make me happy. we hope that you well teach us about everything there is to be taught about your country :D. What i personally cant wait for is deffinatly Jim's grave site, the art classes with Nicholas, The food, The lights, Normandy, The fashion, the attemp to learn the langage, and of course the new friendship i'll be making on the trip that'll last me for a lifetime. I have made a promise to my parents to write in a notebook every night and day while im there to fill it with the events of the days and the contact info of people i have met in order to keep in contact. I will try all the foods i can to get the full experience of your culture. I vow to come out of my shell to make new friends and keep those friends. I promise i wont freak out on the plane rides at all(to jersey, to france, from france, to michigan) and i will have kayla sit in the window seat to do so.

and this is your weekend report with Darian

wow what a werid weekend

Friday-akward as hell. yeah we wont say anything about that

Saturday-hour drive to my aunts pretty much hung around there all night with my peeps and a few extra people. went to walmart met erick turned out to be jakes friend which was pretty sweet

Sunday-walmart to get erick then cidermill and getting sick
yeahh that was it

just to let you know

me and danny-boy are sitting here listeing to frank sinatra, michael buble, dean martin and harry connic jr.
all amazing
and were talking about life
how we both were 10 years ago
and like yeah i miss when it was the redford gang, not that i dont love my life now it just seems everything was cooler back then
for those who have no clue what im talking about it was Ashley Trosin, Jeffrey Trosin, Dan Lynn, Nick Griffin, Ryan Griffin, both of my brothers and myself
we were normally always on dan, nick, and ryans trampoline or in the vacent feild behind there house crawling threw the long grass, playing football in the part that linda and brian kept cut for us to do so or climbing trees
from sun up to sun down it was constant playing and of course we all had fright EVERYONE did but its nice to say that Dan, Nick and Ryan are still all some of my very best friends
as Dan said times were simplier and we were niave to say the least
we didnt care about the gas prices or what were doing after high school what we want to do for our lives
i actually think linda(nick and ryans mom/dans step mom) has a video of us all saying that we never want to get older and were all going to move into a big house and play hide and seek for the rest of our days.
i miss those days before we all started dating. that seperated us all a little. no one wanted to get on someone else terreitory.
i never thought id be biting down at the chomp to leave michigan. this place were i made all these memories with such great people
to end this one a good note
the lynn/griffen family you guys are my life. i love you all so much for all your love and support over the years

Linda-you are my second mom. i love you so much. thanks for being there and watching me grow and taking out all the lose teeth along the way.what ill remember most about you is your views on life and your i dont give a shit additude
Big Brian-thanks for the years of teaseing and letting me know i was your second daughter.what ill remember most about you is how you would smoke it up in the living room
Little Brian-You are a beast. thanks for driving me to school all the time. and scareing the shit out of me whenever we went up north.what ill remmeber most about you is your voice, broadway is depressed without you bro
Jason-Your a dumbass but your also one of the nicest guys i know. what i'll remember most about you is you flying up the stairs and ripping your knee open at one of those crazy parties.
Dan-I dont even know if i could make this short. i love your nerdiness and your voice. such talent. thanks for inspiration. what ill remember about you is your fire red hair. god do i love that.
Nick-your a faggot but your a good person. yes your like 7 feet tall but your a good athlete. ill remember your unusal comendy.
Ryan-i dont talk to you like at all. your in your own world now and no were to be found. come back to reality what ill remember most about you is when you yelled down the street im in puberty

grobanite?

yeah i am one =)
ive been told to blog more
but i dont
yeahhhh

gotta love james for called me to tell me that i need to blog more
at 3 in the morning
love buddy see you tomizzle =)

i might write tonight
i might write next week
yeahh

anyways some fast note i love josh groban, andrea bocelli, joshua payne, edwin mccain, sarah brightman, and hayley westenra

hriaksfawew

so i never knew how much i hate seeing people hold hands and walk down the hall. i HATE it. i'm over jake if that counts for anything and now of course i like some guy i have no chance with at all but ill get over it. homecoming is on saturday and im estatic except for that part that that is the day my grandfather died. =/ well yeah bye

spoken between your rosey cheeks

i have come to the conclusion that i dont want to be in love. i still love jake and i honestly cannot block it out. it kinda sucks becuase i know so much more shit is destant to be great for me. oh and if you dont know jake and i did break up for reasons unknown but if you do know please tell me becuase its something i would like to know. when i see jake in the hall i almost want to start crying. its not me. i shouldnt feel like that, but yet i do =/.

school is good. i love painting with a passion not just because i love paint but mizzel is hilarous. he makes my day =). this kid in my english class like started singing moonson by tokio hotel. it was pretty epic.

yeahhhhh

i might write tomorrow
the word on the street is im working out with gabby

as the world turns so does the fighting

i dont see the need with the constant fighting. it seems like thats the only think that ever goes in my house or the acting like were a happy picture perfect family. thats not us. were not the brady bunch or anything like that. everyone is fucking blind and i dont get it, but i guess walking around blindly would be better then actually seeing the distruction of this world.

my weeks been almost like this
i havent barely slept in 2 weeks
i get maybe 2 hours of sleep a night and thats it

my grandma keeps saying that we need to cut back on food and stop throwing leftovers out but it seems like the only stuff were throwing out his her stuff.

im told i dont sit or eat like a lady at the table let alone use my fork and knife right and i need to learn by october for my uncles wedding.

i had to work today and they kids i was watching are pretty much deamons. i mean we walked half a mile the first hour i was there alright fine with me so we came back and i starting drinking another cup of coffee and james decied that he wanted to go to the park. so i said that later we could walk down there well of course hes like no were going now even thought i said we werent and i had to chase him down and i mean i walked the first half and frabbed his arm and started to pull him towards home and he got loose and ran back to the house so im running to caught up with him and ashley is lollygagging behind me complaining about her not having her shoes on and steping on the rocks(mind you i was barefoot too and running over all the rocks.) so i told her to shut up and get back home as im still running trying to get to the house. 2 minutes later im at the front door and james locked us out. so i had to act like i was calling his dad for him to unlock the door. we get back into the house and im about to pass out from running. i'm so out of shape its not even funny. ashley is complaing about being hungry and wants me to do her makeup and i got the fucking dog laying on me(this is a saint bernard not a small dog)

that was life at work and tonight at dinner i got the usual "you need to eat more" blah blah blah shit so like i was eating and my grandma goes sit up straight ladies dont hunch over when they eat and then she goes your hold your knife and fork wrong you really need to learn to be a propur lady before octorber becuase were eating at a fancy resturant for you uncles wedding. honestly how many people are gonna look at me and go oh those fox's are lower class because there granddaughter doesnt know how to hold a salad fork. now i would understand if we were like royalty and were haveing some huge ball or something but were not. honestly i think im uncle would just be happy with me showing up i mean hes the one whos always telling me if you can't have fun your not living. oh and now i was just told that i HAVE to wear a dress but its ok for the guys to wear nice shirts and blue jeans. does this make any since to you because it sure as hell doesnt for me

maybe im just in a sour mood today and this is all right in some world

i think i need to start therapy again
im getting to that point again

As summer comes down to an end...

Its time to reflect on what we've learned this summer boys and girls

for one never trust your cousin when he says just try it you wont get shit faced and that might possible be the grestest lesson of all. another good thing is that german rap is so much better then american rap! I know what your thinking german rap? what the fuck is this shit? well it actually isnt bad at all. Maybe its the fact that you dont really know anything there saying but its pretty great.

I've had my own problems that ive dealt with and what not. I found a new amazing local band that i will now support just as i do violets for verona. by the way violets for verona is looking for a new lead guitarist and well if your in the livonia westland area and would like to get in a band with a good fan base set up hit me up and ill tell them about you. School started on the 3 and now im sitting here looking at my class list. its your basic list of science, math, english and history with the choice of 2 electives, buts its also a reminder that i'm one step closer to getting the hell out of michigan. you may be wondering whats so bad about michigan? well almost everything is. after high school i'm going to alabama. why alabama when i can possibly go tons more places in the us beucase in alabama they have the university of alabama which i will be attending. i'm determined to get into there and work my ass off the be a great nurse.

thinking about stuff now other then the conserts and whatnot the two greatest things that happened to me all summer was seeing my best friend kayla more then i have in a while. I honestly don't know what i would do without her in my life. we've been best friends for 8 years this september and we've never had a fight. were two of the most diffrent people but were exactly the same. if a stranger looked at us on the street and you could see our diffrences that person would have no clue how we manage to be best friends. kayla compared to me in an angel and i'm the devil. she is the anti-whore and i am the whore.

the second greatest thing to happen was falling in love. yes love. and i couldnt be any happier then i am now. Jake is all responsible for that. I love it. I love him. I love how hes always what im thinking about even if i dont want to be thinking about anything at all. he's amazing at that. i love when he calls me just to tell me he loves me or the way he calls me cutie even thought i tell him all the time he has it wrong. he pretty much completes me.

I've lost contact with a good friend. Will. You possible read the post about be waking up surrounded by tears becuase it the year since we broke up. Looking back on that now i feel like a complete idiot. withing the 2 years ive known will hes changed. from what ive heard hes always drunk and always getting high. deffinatly not my cup of tea(which sounds kinda nice right now). We got into a fight about a week ago. It started off with him telling me that i shouldn't dwell on the past when i confronting him about not keeping his promise to be my friend, my best friend at the least. he had every right to tell me to stop dwelling on the past but i also had every right to bring that up. one thing let to another and i told him when he overdose's i'm going to laugh. I somewhat regret saying that but it came out. earlier today will told me he was sorry and he really wanted to keep in contact with me and asked for my number. I told him it'd be better if we lose all contact and it be like we didnt even meet at all, sadly that cant happen due on the fact he had such an impact on my life. We shared stories, laughs, and tears and somehow that all helped me get to where i am today

My friend alex on the other hand i cant find the will to let him go as a friend, i honestly dont have any reason to other then the fact he dissapears alot. i worry sometimes like when hes back for a couple months and then hes gone for 6 but now im used to it. its how alex works. maybe one day when im down in alabama well meet up or maybe we wont but he'll always be my kurt cobain and ill always be his amy lee. thats how our crazy minds work and even if i dont see him down in alabama i'll see him when we get to that big nirvana concert else were where kurt cobain is waiting for us =)

i dont blog nearly as much as i should

It kinda sucks i mean i started this for a reason and now im like barely one it. well up dates from my last post Kayla and I went to see Tokio Hotel at the Filmore and I can't even explain how amazing it was. Heres how the 12th started. Kayla and I got up at like 6 and decied that we need coffee to get the day going, so we bugged her mom to make us coffee(which she did) and kayla decied that she was in the mood for pancakes and bacon after out first cup of coffee. Now i love kayla but the bacon was like burned and the pancakes just tasted funny but after that we had her mom drop us off at K-Mart on the way to work and we bought powerade, lifewater and these nasty pretzels. Her mom dropped us off about 12 and we met up with this other chick kayla and we all sat outside for like 4 hours until tokio hotels tour bus showed up then of course we all rushed over there and then Gustav gets out and he was rushed right it. poor guy. its like hes the beaten puppy dog of the group. if you've never noticed please look at mr.gustav schafer next time. its almost like tom and bill go if you speak we will beat you with frying pans and he goes ok i wont talk *hides in a corner* that or he is a man of few words. i personally believe he gets beat by the guys. then were all standing around for a half hour waiting for Georg, Tom and Bill to come out about a half hour later all 3 of them get off the bus. Tom walks nonchalntly into the door as everyone is screaming for him then Bill comes out and this is when i lost all composer and started screaming. He looked right at me and kayla and waved and Georg followed fastly behind him. 4 more hours went by and we were in the crowed waiting, just waiting for this band i spent close to $80 on. at 7:30 they came out and everything was all fine and dandy. Jessica and Racheal were next to me and Kayla was like far the hell up there and the crowd was killing us so like kayla and i went to the back of the crowed and we were jumping and screaming and everything. Then they came out with by your side. I litterally started crying becuase i thought of Jake the whole song. It was amazing. I never thought a song could do that. after that they did that oh that was the last song thing but i knew they'd be comeing back out but i didnt care kayla and i had to get to the bus which we did. Kayla got Gustav autograph and i sadly didnt but i touched Tom and Georg smiled at me. do i have proof? no but i also dont have proof that zacky vengence waved at me and thats true. lol but kayla and i didnt go to the signing =/ but it was ok.

my hair no longer has green in it its now red. not like christmas red but like dark arbun aka my natural color =)

im happy about that

well tomorrow is an early day so yeah

what an eventful week

hello blogger world!!!
how is everyone on this hot teusday?
I'm doing amazinly excellent
as of sunday i am no longer a single women =) and i'm damn proud. kayla and i are going to see tokio hotel on the 12th and hopefully meeting them on the 13th at the mall so thats going to be cool. ive just been chillin for the most part. some old friends have added me on the space and its been cool talking to them again its pretty much re-connecting. well this is all i really have to say for not
secret life of an american teenager is on tonight =)

i wanna get wasted

why the hell do i regret letting you go??? why??? i dont get it. your always like lets hang out but no you hang out with some other dipshit. i dont get it. its possible that i want someone to punch in the face yeah its greatly possible. i want to be strong and say i dont need you but i do. i cant do it. i should be focused on other stuff. why the hell cant i focus on them becuase of this. i'm sleeping :/ only call if your paige thats why. there is so many other guys in the world but i have to pick you. FUCK YOU!!!! i can't wait till i can walk down the hallway next year. I'm changed and trust me i dont care if you rub her in my fave. i dont fucking care. i dont need a guy like you. i only wanna date a guy in a band next. thats it. maybe a guy being in a band will have something a little more important then getting obessed with me.

i wanna get wasted, wasted on you

Talking bout my generation

Yesterday Kayla and I went to the Battle of the bands in farmington. Why did we do this you may ask. Violets for Verona little did i know i would be falling in love with another band. The Underground Sun. I'm enlighted by them. I love there music with a passion. They bring everything back from the 60's. I love them. Theres something about them that makes me want to sit and listen to everything they well ever have to say. Maybe this is getting high off of real music maybe its a phase in my life. I don't really know. I've spent most of today listening to classic rock and downloading good songs. I can say that i now i am a bigger Zeppelin fan, The Doors fan, The Who fan, Styx fan, Boston fan then ever before. I have the urge to go make a t-shirt that says The Underground Sun if diffrent sharpies. They're that band with a purpose ive been looking for. I've found them and the answer in The Underground Sun. Just like Violets For Verona i want to go to everyone of there shows. I want to be that fan where they go oh yeah her? She part of the answer were doing this. You see that sign she made us? Thats whats keeping us going today. Thats what else i need. Call me a hippie do it. I'll wear that lable proudly for likeing this band.

Violets For Verona still gives me motivation to move through the day though thats not gonna change just becuase The Underground Sun is the solution. I made them a poster that say We Heart Violets For Verona and they loved it. Kayla and i got our poster signed and got a picture with Ryan it was one of the things that made my day. Another good back there was Riley. They did a beatles cover that was pretty amazing and gave out ice pops. another thing that made my day that day. Right now im enjoying the wonderful sounds of Iron Butterfly. you know that 17 minute song "Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida" thats what i'll be listening to for the next 17 minutes. such a good song and i have decied that one day when i get good at my guitar i will learn how to play this. This is gorgeous song.

On august 12 Kayla and i will be seeing Tokio Hotel here in Detroit Michigan for the first time ever. There is nothing more exciting that that seeing this band you love well one of them. We scrimped and saved to get this tickets and no were going. it seems so unreal to see them up and personal.

In addition to all the concerts ive been going to im looking up quotes. you know those ones that grab hold of you and dont let go. yeah thats what ive been doing. ill post one at the end of this blog for you to see what i mean. i dont know if you'll get it. it might not effect you in the same way as it did me. one may never know. But as this seems it is winding down to an end. I will try and update this more often but please if your reading this comment it. it would mean alot.


If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die. That strain again! it had a dying fall: O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound That breathes upon a bank of violets, Stealing and giving odour!
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), "Twelfth Night", Act 1 scene 1

New Mexico here i come =D

It totally sucks when you parents tell you they would pay for your schooling only if its in a field that they approve of. knowing me my first choice is of course going to be music. I want to be a roadie. That's been my dream for a while now. My parents have deiced that the music biz is not for me and i should do something that will benefit me in the end meaning which were not paying the money to do that pick another job field. so it just do happens that Kayla and i have been talking about the medical field and we talked about job positions we would like to have. I've looked threw tons of fields and have deiced on Pediatrics or Radiology. For those who don't know what either fields are I'm here to explain. Pediatrics is the branch of medicine that deals with medical care of infants,children,and adolescents. In other words a pediatrician. Some may argue that pediatricians are not considered professional doctors. I don't get why they would say that i mean pediatricians have to undertake a course of study, training, and residency that is comparable and equivalent in every respect to a psychiatrist, surgeon or any other specialization. if i do break onto this field i would like to work in the intensive care unit helping infants learn to breath on there own. My other field choice is Radiology doing x-rays,ultrasounds,mammograms and other things with the use of radio waves. The actual definition of radiology is the specialty directing medical imaging technology to diagnose and something treat diseases. Radiology was discovered in 1895 on November 5 by Wilhelm Conrad Rontogen at the physical institute of Wuerzburg University. He named it X-Radiation and the term is still used today. Radiology is classified broadly into two subdivisions. Diagnostic radiology and therapeutic radiology. Diagnostic radiology is the interpretation of images of the body to aid the diagnosis or prognosis of disease. Diagnostic includes: Chest radiology, abdominal and pelvic radiology(sometimes together termed "body Imaging"), intervention radiology(uses imaging to guide therapeutic and angiographic procedures also knows as Vascular and intervention radiology), Neuroradiology(the sub-specialty in the field of central nervous system i.e brain and spinal cord, peripheral nervous system, osseous spine and its neural contents, and head and neck imaging), Intervention Neuroradiology(uses imaging to guide therapeutic and diagnostic and diagnostic angiographic procedures in the head, neck, and spine), musculoskeletal radiology(sub-specialty in the field of bone,joint, and muscular imaging), Pediatric radiology, Mammography(sub-division of radiology that images the breast tissue), Emergency radiology(Sub-division of radiology involved in the diagnosis and treatment of acutely ill or injured patients) Nuclear Medicine(sun-division or radiology that use radioisotopes in characterization of lesions and disease process and often yield functional information).Therapeutic radiology utilizes radiation for therapy of diseases such as cancer. There isn't any sub-divisions that i have found. some other type of radiology are:Projection (Plain) Radiology-Radiographs(Or Roentogenographs named after Wilhelm Conrad Rontgen) are ofter used for evaluation of bony structures and soft tissues.Fluoroscopy-fluoroscopy and angiography are special applications of X-Ray imaging in which fluorescent screen or image intensifier tubes is connected to a closed-circuit television system, which allows real-time imaging of structures in motion or augmented with a radio contrast agent.CT scanning-CT imaging uses X-Rays in conjunction with computing algorithms to image the bodyUltrasound-Medical ultrasonograph uses ultrasound(high-frequency sound waves) to visualize soft tissue structures in the body in real timeMRI(Magnetic Resonance Imaging)-MIR uses strong magnetic fields at align spinning atomic nuclei(usually hydrogen protons) within body tissues then uses a radio signal to disturb the axis of rotation of these nuclei and observes the radio frequency signal generated as the nuclei return to their baseline states plus all surrounding areasNuclear Medicine-Nuclear medicine imaging involves the administration into the patients of pharmaceuticals consisting of substances with affinity for certain body tissues labeled with radioactive tracer. let me say for 1.i do not want to work in nuclear medicine and 2.radiology might be more my calling. so what does New Mexico have to do with any of this? i plan on going to the University of New Mexico's medical school

dude your dad is on crack!

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted something. I really really need to try and post more =/. School is the same. Still pretty much failing. Been in and out of a few relationships but I’m back in one. The guys name is Nikk. He’s a pretty cool cat. Music is still the biggest influence in my life. My best friend and I went to see baby mama with my brother and his friends (who never showed) it was alright I guess my brother didn’t get any of it. I got my violets for Verona t-shirt and my CD. Pretty much the most played CD I own. Depressions got it’s strangle hold on me again but that’s nothing new. I’m trying to work with it again but I’ve had a 2 breakdowns last week and I feel another one again. I’ve had an urge to cut again but I have my promise to Izaiah and I wouldn’t do it if he wouldn’t do it and plus I know so many people here who WOULD kill me if I did it again. So I got a story for you last night I went to an A.R.M’s party with my dad. For those who don’t know what A.R.M’s is it’s the Association or Recovering Motorcyclist which is basically like the sober riders but in the same way it’s not. So me and my dad are having a good ol’ time with pig-hearted john you know standing in a circle holding hands and singing country music(the song was some Kenny Chesney song about not drinking) then they starting line dancing so we(my dad john and i) all went outside to get away from it. Then we were all chilling inside while they started the big dance afterwards and they played a bunch of country with made john want to leave but then they started playing rock. But the greatest part was the DJ he was jumping all around the stage like he was 18(when in reality he was like 49) and he was like the rock n roll jesus or something! And that night I won a beer mug from and AA meeting. Whats wrong with that picture???? Yeah I know. But its cool I guess. The DJ's son was there and they were playing slow songs so he asked my to dance and i politly told him his dad was on crack and i had a boyfriend and rather not dance. but it was a good night over all

cuz i get so clumsy

Have you ever just sat and wondered what is going on around you? I love doing that and not many people know i love that. This world is so high paced and its hard to actually get a second to think. I'm thinking about moving to the country after high school maybe. on another note Jason did amazing last night. If i fell is a beautiful song and my favorite Beatles song. I know that love isn't something you can be like "Oh i love him/her so much" love isn't real its all made for the Hollywood movies. I like being single and relationships are just stressing me out right now. Ryan and i are still together but i kinda wish we weren't because i know he can get someone without all the mood swings i have because of my own problems. Izaiah understands basically what I'm going threw with my life because his story is the same. He's a sweet guy that if any girl hurt I'll have to hurt you. well it seems i have lost my inspiration tonight and i actually think im going to talk a nap

i woke up this morning surrounded by tears

so this morning i woke up crying my eyes out. why is it that i really still have feelings for drew? this isnt right. Drew i going out with this leslie chick at my school and there happy. me and ryan are happy right? i dont know and i'll probably end up hurting him like i do to everyone else. i need to stop this chain of guys i keep hurting. i'm about ready to break down and start crying. i'm jealous of leslie and drew. why do i feel like this? why? i dont get it. i think i do need to go back to thearpy again. maybe anger mangement. im getting back to the point i was at 2 years ago. i miss my old friends and the memories we had. there gone and dead. they made me what i am today good and bad. i really should start my paper for english and doing my histroy but i cant seem to find the will to. and another thing that is bothering me. i cant spill my guts in here. i cant to anyone except for one person and i dont even know him in real life. what the fuck. i cant stop this thoughts anymore. ryan told me to stop thinking but does he even really know me? i cant stop thinking i cant just stop it. well im going to curl up and cry i think

im still in love with you

hey d. whasup? its like 10:30 here. im going to have shit to deal with tommorow out the ass so u know how thatl be. listen, and understand. your like my best freind in the world. i can talk to you and you make me feel alot better. just u help my mood so much. your just young in alot of ways, and i look at you and its like your innocent and have so much 2 learn. but thankfully i know better. ha ha. look that was the closest im ever gonna get to kissing you, but when i did, it wasnt what i expected. it didnt feel the way in my head i thought it would. in fact it made me feel bad. i just wanted to hug you more and more after that cause i didnt want to fuck anything up. i didnt want to hurt you but i want to be honest with you. i still love you dar, alot, thats never gonna go away. not in a million fucking years. but youve become closer to me in other ways. more like a little sister than someone i would date. people who date are gonna part ways eventually, but freinds are always gonna be freinds. your always gonna be that little thing in the back of my head and im never gonna forget the day i looked at your picture. but i wanna be honest, i dont wanna hurt you, but your my best freind, and i cant pretend its anything more. your smart dar, really smart. youve got way more common sense than i do, your beautiful and whatever dumbass cant see that can blow his brains out on the pavement. your something special that only comes along every once in a while, so i dont wanna throw that away, but i know its gonna hurt, i know its gonna be tough, but im asking you, as your best freind, as priest, as Will Ely, will you trust me, take my hand, and join the rest of us on this black parade.

so today its been a year since i got that message from someone i was head over heels for. we had these plans together and i thought they were gonna go far. i remember trying to not tell him i didnt love him when in reality i did. Will still wanted to be my best friend but i was hurt beyond hurt and now we barley talk. i miss that. i could tell him absoultly everything and he did the same to me. we would talk all night on the phone. he'd make fun of me when i found a shiny nickle and i lost track of what i was saying but it was a playful way not like your a freaking retard. i miss Will. Now i have someone else like him in my life and im afraid if Izaiah is gonna do that same thing. I really hope he doesnt i have handle this again

updates

ive been working on my tattoo
its comeing out nice
ill put up some pics when im done with it
im writing a story consisting of letters ill post up when i get the first 2 letters done
its about 2 17 year old kids becoming parents which i think will be really good
well
ciao bella

shouldnt i be happy?

you know for once i have a guy i can count on and things seem to be going right and some people have to come in and stop it. well i know i haven't blogged much and i really should be like i promised myself. heres some stuff thats brothering me now
-"friends" who call straight edge retards-
fuck you. i'm edge get the fuck over. i don't wanna hear you going you edge kids are so retarded you'll knew know what its like to get high. pshh like i really care your out fucking your life up even more. yes i have non edge friend and i have edge friends. and pot is a fucking drug you fuck face. i'm sorry you don't see how your body is dieing
and now i have gotten my depression back and it pisses me off. i was so happy and now i'm not.
its no ones fault but mine. i went for a little walk last night and ended pukeing my brains out on the side of the road. some old lady came out and gave me a blanket and a glass of water i told her i was sorry about vomitting in front of her house and she said it wasn't a problem. the neighboor saw me laying there and came and took me home where i crashed on the couch for a few minutes then got on the computer and then i dont remember what happened. i woke up this morning cry. i cant wait for the next skateland show. i had fun at the last one. fear the innocent is playing march 15th so Kayla is comeing with me to see that then March 21 Violets For Verona is playing at the token so i'll be at the show. Kayla and I are starting a little pop rock band something fun. i'm buying her little sisters guitar its a lame first act but it will due till i can get the one i really want(Gibson Hummingbird). well this is goodbye for now

im sorry im sorry im sorry

i haven't written in ever i know i know i'm sorry
last night was great
i went to battle of the bands at skateland with my boyfriend
it was amazing. i still cant feel my legs. there was so many freaking 10 year olds there it was hilarous. there was a few dozen fights to which was kinda pissing some of the bands off. which i probably would have been pissed off too. i saw my friend ryan from the band violets for verona. well i need more ice sorry for the short post

one two fuck you

soo today i finally had the courage to ask Steve to send me his demo. There seriously amazing and now there jamming on my ipod =]. Well today i was unusally happy like i mean not fakeing it happy but happy. Not alot happened today. I still havent told Him i like him. I told Kelli does that count? lol. Well i told alot of new pics and there now on myspace. Hmm i have a speech and an essay about Romeo and Juilet due in English. I havent even started writeing them yet. Finals are comeing up. Soo theres alot of review going on and thats about it. School was actually amazing today. I never knew how much i missed my friends over that short break. Hmm well thats pretty much all. Oh my myspace is www.myspace.com/xx_hey_kiddo_xx and heres steve's music profile. im serious i love his music. http://www.myspace.com/kicjowevets

New

So i just started this new little blog here. Let me inform you about myself. I'm Darian i live in Livonia,Michigan and i got to Churchill High School. Im currently single so if you live around Livonia hit me up ;]. lol well anyways. Music is my passion in life. Without it i would probably dead. Art is another big thing in my life. It makes me happy. There is so much i wish i could say to people but i probably wont. I'll write about it here and use diffrent names or her or him or you something like that. I tend to show people im strong and confident but im not, simple words can knock me out. I write poems. I've been told there works of art, i on the other had dont think they are. Im a nice person once. Im currently looking into buying a guitar right now i want an acoustic but if i really get into it ill get an electric. I use to play bass and i was pretty good till i got it taken away. If i would have to look up to one person, anyone in the world it would have to be Steve Wojcik. I know he doesn't know who the hell i am but i heard his music on myspace and I cried so hard becuase it was true and his music if from the heart. If he ever see this I love you and keep your music comeing i love it. I have one best friend named Kayla we've been friends since 3rd grade and I'm glad we still are. She's pretty amazing and we have fun together. One day I'm leaving Michigan and going somewhere away from here. I love Chicago with a passion. Its beautiful. Picture of city skylines are amazing. Thats a way to make me happy. Get me a picture of a City Skyline. My past includes a drunk and doped up father and mother trying to save money to feed me and my 2 brothers. I hid alot from my dad. He scared me when he was drinking. I hid under my bed hopeing that would keep him away from me if he ever decieded he didnt want a daughter anymore. He got volient and punched the wall and once almost kill my mom. He even told me and my mom and my brothers this when he was drunk off his ass "Sweet Dreams my darlings becuase its the last thing you'll ever see". Thats was the last straw. He went to jail that night. i was in 6th grade at the time. The day he came out he relized that he had a problem and need help, which then helped. By this time i was deppressed about everything. I was slient all the time. I had started cutting one night. For the first time in a while i knew what pain was. It felt good. I never told anyone what i did. In the summer of 7th grade my mom found out what i was doing. They both sent me to counsling where i was thrown into group thereapy with teens that were suppost to be with the same problem as me. They werent. They were all there for stealing a car or almost killing some one. I was told everytime I went I punch my parents for telling me what to do. I ran away from home and got caught up with drugs and sex. None of which was true. I started getting mad and what they were saying. Lisa told us we were nothing and were probably gonna end up on the streets one day. I looked up at her and told her to shut the hell up no one wanted to here her putting us down anymore. She looked at me and told me that i had no right to talk out of turn and i said she didnt have a right to tell us what we were and werent aloud to do. We started going back and forth about this stuff. I had enough and flipped my desk over and went out side of the classroom. The class we still slient as i left. I slammed the door and walked out side. I had so much emotion in me i didnt know what to do. I still had a good half hour till my mom came and got me. i leaned against the building. Thinking what i just did. I ended up crying and crying till i vomited. One of the guys in the class help my hair up for me which i thought was nice. After that happened he helped me up and gave me a bottle of water and told me i had real balls for sticking up to lisa like that. We talked for a little bit and that was about it. A couple days later i got a letting in the mail telling me i was not aloud to come back to the class. I went to school were i got in the wrong crowd and they soon started messing with my head. Alot of the time i couldnt go to school becuase i was afraid of what we going to happen. I would make myself sick. Once i even had people throwing paper at me and i was being called a little whore and what not. I left school that day and told me mom i was just sick i didnt feel good. i slept for 3 days. My mom found out what we happeing and told me it was my last year in that district now im here in livonia. where i made so many new friends and havent had to deal with people like that. I'm glad of all that. Since this had dragged on long enough im going to end it here

Peace,Love,Musik
Darian