i woke up this morning surrounded by tears

so this morning i woke up crying my eyes out. why is it that i really still have feelings for drew? this isnt right. Drew i going out with this leslie chick at my school and there happy. me and ryan are happy right? i dont know and i'll probably end up hurting him like i do to everyone else. i need to stop this chain of guys i keep hurting. i'm about ready to break down and start crying. i'm jealous of leslie and drew. why do i feel like this? why? i dont get it. i think i do need to go back to thearpy again. maybe anger mangement. im getting back to the point i was at 2 years ago. i miss my old friends and the memories we had. there gone and dead. they made me what i am today good and bad. i really should start my paper for english and doing my histroy but i cant seem to find the will to. and another thing that is bothering me. i cant spill my guts in here. i cant to anyone except for one person and i dont even know him in real life. what the fuck. i cant stop this thoughts anymore. ryan told me to stop thinking but does he even really know me? i cant stop thinking i cant just stop it. well im going to curl up and cry i think